Not getting to talk with Master for so long at a time is really getting to me. He’s become such an integral part of my life that not having our evening chats makes me a very sad puppycat. :(

I miss Him.

I’ve noticed that since my return to Tumblr, I’ve put a lot more emphasis on sex in the things that I blog/reblog. Or just sexuality in general. To some degree, I’m still trying to figure out why that is, but in the meantime, I can only assume it has something to do with learning to accept myself a little more. I owe a big part of that to officially recognizing my gender status, my sexuality, and the roles those two elements play in my life.

It took me a long time to get comfortable in my own skin. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been in this really awkward stage of uncertainty about myself. Struggling with anxiety certainly doesn’t help. The one thing that’s remained constant, however, is my inclination for submission, and I’m pretty sure that that has played a large role in figuring out who I am, what I want, and what I need from sex and relationships. In a nutshell, my ability to confidently submit myself to another person has opened up the floodgates, and for me, there’s really no going back from that.

Master tells me sometimes that submission comes to me naturally, and I think He’s right. I’ve tried to Dom a few times before, and while those attempts weren’t total catastrophes, I took absolutely no pleasure from them. Submitting to another comes much more easily, and now that I think back on my first sexual experiences as a teenager, it’s probably always been that way. In some form or fashion, I think I’ve always been certain that I wanted - and needed - to submit, and embracing that has allowed me to be more honest about the things that get me hot or send me running.

I wouldn’t say that I was completely repressed before this, but I certainly wasn’t this accepting of myself and my wants, whether because I was afraid to want something that edged on the taboo or simply concerned about my physical limitations. Talking has helped a great deal. Up until recently, I’ve been so cloistered in general and closeted about the specifics of my sexuality. But now that I have the opportunity to open up and discuss these things, whether with my Master, my therapist, or even my new friend, I find that I just… feel lighter. About everything.

Accepting myself has made me a much happier puppycat in general.